I wish I didn't know (but I'm glad I do)
by ScrollDownlLife
Summary: Kristoff is curious when Anna starts behaving differently. He is sure that the Princess is having an affair with a secret lover and decides to investigate. Olaf joins the party and they both end up treading on something that was best left hidden. One-shot. Warnings: Incest, talking snowman.


**Disclaimer: Disney, or Frozen and its characters do not belong to me. I'm merely borrowing them.**

**Just a little one shot that I had going around in my mind.**

**Kristoff is curious when Anna starts behaving differently. He is sure that the Princess is having an affair with a secret lover and decides to investigate. Olaf joins the party and they both end up treading on something that was best left hidden. One-shot. Warnings: Incest, talking snowman.**

* * *

"Hey, buddy, I don't think you should be doing this."

Kristoff sighed exasperatedly at the reindeer.

"For the last time Sven, give it a rest. I've heard that argument about fifteen times already!"

Sven raised an eyebrow at him. "Doesn't mean you aren't wrong, dude."

Kristoff rolled his eyes. Clearly he and Sven had different ideas of wrong and right.

"Yup, I get what you are thinking, big guy, but-" he hesitated, eyes searching for something in the disinterested reindeer currently munching on carrots.

"Argh!" He groaned, shooting up to his feet and pacing up and down. His hands ran through his hair and along his face in frustration.

"What am I supposed to do, Sven?" He stopped suddenly and the reindeer, startled spat a piece of carrot at the blonde man.

Kristoff glared at the reindeer. "Now is not the time to be fooling around, Sven, I'm in a fix here."

The reindeer merely grunted.

"Oh, don't sound so condescending."He berates the animal and plopped back down onto the little bed behind him.

"Sheesh. What have I done? Why on earth do I have to do that?!"He wailed with the remorse he felt.

But as he settles down into the bed, he knew that what he had done was pretty natural. Anna was his, he hesitated mentally, his friend of sorts. And by that he meant that they were generally, no - _basically_, just the best of friends, but friends who would sometimes do stuff.

He snickered at his thoughts. 'Doing stuff' would sound like something way further from the actual truth. But it wasn't like they were frick-fracking or doing the nasty or whatever other euphemism there ever was for copulating. No.

They merely were friends who used to kiss at times.

And he had been perfectly fine with that. He liked Anna like a overprotective male friend, but he wasn't in love with her.

When he had expressed these concerns to Anna, she'd merely grinned and told him that she too wasn't really ready to love anyone yet. And she also told him that the kissing was for her to perfect her 'lip-smacking' - those exact words - skills.

At that time it didn't seem odd to him, what with all the stuff going on around them - the rebuilding of the destroyed town, the re-building of ships, the visitation of many foreign dignitaries extending their support as well as seeking alliances, the staggering start to peoples' business and everything that went on with the trolls.

But then, when things settled down, he noticed.

The distinct yet subtle changes in Anna.

The way she would arrive rather disheveled, not like she used to before anyway, more late than usual. The way she would apologize to him and keep him at arm's length and give no whatsoever sign that she would like to continue their weekly rendezvous.

He can gladly admit he was a little put off and jealous at first, but that barely lasted two hours.

On that very evening while on his way home to Sven, he was slowly making up wicked plans to expose Anna and her secret lover. Not exactly wicked, but just for the joy of making Anna flustered enough to have a laugh. After all what are friends who don't pull each other's legs?

So he arrived at the castle the next week, knowing that Anna wouldn't know about his visit and also knowing that his recent status of Royal Ice Master and Deliverer (seriously, didn't that sound like a title cooked up by a two year old?), would ensure his entry smoothly without any interruptions.

So here he was, smooth as a pro, sneaking behind guards with ease and behaving as calmly as he could whenever a maid bowed respectfully. The key was to behave like you belonged. That way you could hide in plain sight.

"Psst."

He furrowed his brows when he peaked around a corner. Did he just hear-

"Pssssst. Pssssst. Kristoff!"

Now frowning he turned around to see no one in sight. Seriously, what was going on?

And then he saw the little snowman behind a curtain, waving his hands - twigs, he thought internally - frantically at him. Olaf had his head covered by a hat, and tinted glasses covered his eyes. He held back a snort at the sight.

"Don't just stand there like a funky-donkey, come on here!"

He shrugged. Might as well humor the snowman and then be in his merry way.

"What's up buddy?"He asked kindly when he ensured that his feet didn't show beneath the curtain.

Olaf didn't crack a smile. "Please don't joke in this crucial moment. We are on a secret mission."

The blonde's eyebrows raised. Okay, what was going on here?

He opened his mouth and was interrupted by the out-of-behavior snowman.

"Nupupup!" Olaf made quacking gestures. "Shut up and listen to me."

The burly man nodded.

"I know you are searching for them too!"

Kristoff eyes widened. How did he-

Olaf smiled at him and then said, "I know all" in a rather dramatic manner.

"Really?"

Olaf nodded. "Yes. I've been suspicious since the first day she disappeared with the gardenias, after plucking them by herself. Where she takes them, who does she go to, has been the only thing that I wanted to know ever since. No one takes the beautiful gardenias and just disappears."

Kristoff marveled at the seemingly feather headed snowman's reasoning. For someone who could be severely daft, he was rather intuitive.

And the snowman just made his work that much easier.

"I've been searching for the same answers, buddy-"

Olaf glared at him. "Don't 'buddy' me. I am Sir Olaf, the castles protectors and private investigator."

Kristoff mentally rolled his eyes.

"Okay, Sir Olaf, I apologize."He said softly, pausing to allow a maid to walk out of earshot and then saying, "I have come here to find the truth of which she's been taking those gardenias to."

"So we have the same interests at heart."

Olaf smiled and held out his hand.

Seemingly proud of his deal with the snowman, he took the twig and gave it a shake.

"Uh. What are you doing?" Olaf blinked at him.

He blinking right back. "Um shaking hands? That's, uh, that's what people do after making aan agreement. Um, they, uh shake 't that why you gave me your twig, uh, hand?"

The blonde chuckled nervously when the moments ticked by silently.

Olaf blinked at him twice.

"No, you donkey!" he shook off the hand and held it out again, "I was pointing outside the window!"

"Uh-"he turned around and looked at the direction the snowman was pointing. True enough there was Anna, picking up gardenias in a basket, shooing servants away when they came forward to help her.

Kristoff smiled. Her whole countenance screamed something fishy was going on.

"Come on, let's go buddy!"

But Olaf had already disappeared. Looking around to find the snowman nowhere in sight, he chanced a glance outside to see the snowman already outside - wait, how did he get there - waddling towards Anna conspicuously.

Groaning he bounded toward the staircase. He couldn't let the snowman unknowingly spoil his whole research.

* * *

He had reached in time and now the two of them were hiding behind some bushes.

Barely a few feet in front of them, in a clearing there sat Anna, on a sheet spread and the wrinkles cleared out in a way that told Kristoff that she was both exited and worried in anticipation.

Who was this guy who had captured her so?

He and Olaf watched on quietly (he was glad Olaf didnt utter a word; he was that passionate about the whole thing too).

After sometime, however, he felt his legs cramp and he sat back, waiting for the person to come and then he decided to again take the uncomfortable crouching position.

The beautiful sea air wafted around a bend and amidst the sweet fragrance of the gardenias he felt a distinct chill creep up his body.

His eyes opened at the sudden muffled shriek and giggle that followed and he slipped into the same spot, heart hammering in delight and one hand poised over Olaf's mouth, should he make any sounds.

And he saw.

_Woah_.

His brain fried. His arms fell weakly to his sides while his jaw hung open in a mixture of amazement, shock, glee and relief - all emotions erasing his mind completely - his eyes enraptured on the picture of two women, sisters, kissing like two lovers used to having secret rendezvous.

And when he saw the queen, flip the redhead onto her back and proceed to hungrily kiss down her younger sisters neck, he jumped out.

At the same time Olaf cried. "It was you!"

The two women scrambled apart from each other like burned. And Kristoff raised his hands up reassuredly, his mind blank but at the same time his heart breaking at the fear and vulnerability he spotted.

"Kristoff, I can explain. Please hear me out!"Anna's meek voice breaks his heart but he _is _shocked, and cannot formulate anything other than flapping of his jaw.

Elsa stands meekly at the sides. When he looks at her she blinks back the shine in her eyes and tilts her head back up to regain some of her dignity.

_No_, he wants to tell the queen, the woman who has been misunderstood for so long and has finally gained everyone's trust. He wants to tell her she has done nothing shameful. But he chokes.

"It was me. I - I forced Anna into all of this. She was, uh, she was wrongfully coerced into this; she didn't want this." her voice was hoarse.

Kristoff wanted to believe her. He wanted to say he hadn't any right to say anything at all and that it wasn't his business. But he didn't.

Anna gave a little cry. "Don't you dare say that, Elsa!"

She pulled at the elder's arms to make the other woman turn and meet her eyes, but Kristoff saw that her mind was set. Frost was creeping along her hands and the flowers near them were wilting.

"No!" Olaf took the bundle of gardenias and ran away. His hat flying off in the wind. "I finally found where Anna was taking you'll, my beautiful, beautiful pretties!"

He was blissfully oblivious to the whole thing.

Kristoff turned and ran.

* * *

And now here he was seemingly troubled, knowing what a mess he had created.

He knew the bigger problem should be the relationship, the lover like relationship between two sisters!

But for the life of him, he couldn't care.

And that was his eureka! moment. No more further thinking. No more reasoning. They were in love and god forbid if anyone tried to pull them apart after all the dung they had been to.

Mind made up, he got to his feet.

He had to get to the castle before Elsa decided something drastic to save her sister's life and end hers.

"Come on, Sven. I'm taking out the sled. We gotta hurry."

Now Sven was interested. Action-doing was much better than decision-making.

* * *

They set off at a fast pace. And Kristoff burned with the worry that was gnawing hotly at his insides.

He just hoped Elsa had faith and would wait for something to go right. But knowing Elsa, she'd probably have called her captain of guards and her entire court to submit her confession; if he was late then he would forever be plagued by the thought of destroying two lives.

He cursed when a rock broke off his runner. Within minutes he had halted, climbed up on Sven's back and urged the reindeer to run, leaving his most prized possession to whatever soul would chance upon it; he didn't give a damn.

He stumbled into the court room. Thankfully, it was empty.

Next he barged into Anna's room, again, it was empty.

The gnawing feeling burned and increased marginally.

When he did see the three friends, beside Sven of course, in the queens room, he collapsed with relief.

"Kristoff?"Anna looked at him warily, and he smiled at the hope that still glimmered through the wide teal eyes.

"Please don't do it!"He huffed, out of breath. Chest heaving, he got up and made his way to Anna, pulling the girl into a hug.

"You are my friends no matter what you do or who you love."He was glad his mouth finally worked enough to convey the message.

At the tightening around his neck and the choked cries that got muffled in his shoulder, he blinked and tried to compose himself.

"Elsa, you love her more than anyone. And she loves you. Please don't do anything stupid."

Elsa smiled at him, her eyes tumultuous but her body posture relaxing in a way that made him feel happy.

Though he still could tell she was considering whatever plan she had thought of, he was sure she wouldn't fall prey to her own fears now.

"It's not wrong."He smiled at her. "Its love."

Anna jumped in his arms and the red headed clumsy princess made yet another appearance.

_Woah_. He thought holding his jaw in pain while Anna continued to apologize frantically around him. _As long as they were happy, he was. _

Much as he hates to say, he wouldn't mind putting up with the clumsy girl and her lover for the rest of his life.

"Thank you Kristoff." Elsa said softly, her lips tracing a stamp of love so deep and profound on Anna's forehead that he felt sated.

* * *

"Really.?"

Olaf growled.

"Yes!" the little snowman fumed. "I wanna know where the queen keeps on disappearing to. And that too with a bundle of my very own crocuses!"

Kristoff sighed.

"Give it a rest buddy."

"It's Sir Olaf to you, young man!"


End file.
